Updated: February 2023

Disclaimer: Sorry Fellas, this one is for the ladies!

Do you remember James Brown’s hit song, “It’s a Man’s World?” After hearing dating stories from single women, it seems to be an acceptable declaration. Issues women deal with nowadays are mind-boggling. But I get it. Why? I have been there. I’ve been “her” afraid to be herself because he may not like it. I’ve been “her” who dumbed down my spirituality to make him more comfortable (Thank you, Alex, for reminding me of this). I have been “her,” who, despite how inferior he made me feel, I kept him around because, at least, I had someone.

I interviewed single and married women of diverse backgrounds, ages, etc., to craft the top 10 Common struggles of dating and the top 10 qualities of a future husband during the dating process. I want that single woman waiting for her husband to know she is not alone and that there are signs of recognizing the “right’ one.

Top 10 Struggles of Dating

1. Not Feeling Attractive Enough: You think you are too overweight, too dark, too skinny, and too pale. Too this and not enough of that. The list goes on.

2. Giving Too Much of Yourself Too Soon: When you like him, you want to give him your all.

“It is difficult to find a balance between how much is too much, or how soon is too soon.”

-C. Banks Fort Worth, TX

3. Men Don’t Want to Bring Anything To The Table Nowadays: Women are constantly approached by men who have no car, no job, live with their mama, have multiple kids, multiple baby mamas, and just plain baggage.

4. Men Don’t Want to Work For You Anymore (Chivalry is Dead): There is a new dating rule. You go on a pre-date (Coffeehouse, park, somewhere that doesn’t allude to an actual date). I don’t know if it is a way of saying without saying, “I do not want to spend my money on you unless I think you’re attractive enough.” However, shouldn’t the pre-date be the conversation you had on the phone beforehand?

5. Men Want To Act Like Your Man Without The Title/Commitment: He takes you out, is intimate with you, and you probably even met his mama. However, he reminds you when you get too comfortable that you two are just friends. And, he convinces you to stick around by affirming the possibility of a future relationship when HE believes you are both ready.

6. Men Aren’t Honest About What They REALLY Want: You two talked for weeks. Things are great, and the conversations are amazing. However, the relationship gets serious, and he suddenly flips. “What happened to the man I’ve been dating for the last few weeks/months?”

7. Feeling The Pressure To Have Sex Or Be a Freak. (W.A.P):  He claims he has to test it out to see if you two are physically compatible first. *insert side eye* In addition, you have songs that promote sexuality in a way that you feel you have to keep up with.

8. Once They Get What They Want, They Change:  He was so sweet; he told you he could see this being long-term. You have sex. Immediately after, his behavior changes. He used to call you every morning before work, and now he barely picks up. When you do hang out or talk, he is standoffish. You probably think it’s just you right about now.

9. The Only Men Interested Are The Ones You Are Not Attracted To, and Vice Versa: He possesses the qualities you want in a man. He’d make a great husband and father, but no matter how hard you try, you just don’t see him like that. Conversely, you love everything about him, and you seem compatible in every way, but he hasn’t made a move and/or doesn’t seem interested in a relationship WITH YOU.

10. Just tired of being single: When will it be my turn?

“I see my peers getting married and having a family or they may just be dating or it’s the simply the fact I want those things and can’t have them because the time is not appointed yet.”

E. Green, Texas

Woman to Woman, what we face in the dating world is our fault. Not all of it, but we must take responsibility for our part. Growing up, older women always told me, “you have to teach a man how to treat you.” As women, we must revert to being firm with what we need. If a man is not willing to provide those needs and desires, we must be woman enough to walk away.

Let’s return to raising those standards because the right one will meet them!

Here is The Solution:

10 Ways to Know He’s the One

Let me know if there is something I need to add in the comment below.

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A special thank you to all the women who contributed. I definitely couldn’t have written this without your input, Destiny Oribabhor (https://destinyiyere.wordpress.com/ ), Eunique Loggins, Kendra Feaster, Shaina Eden Thomas, Alexandra Willoughby, Jordan Flowers (http://www.fitbyjordan.blogspot.com/), Catrina Banks, Sherika Thomas, Adrian Caston Dye, Rachel Doucet, Jessica Coleman, Jessica Brown, Tiffany Johnson, Queen Evans

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