Trigger Warning: This post discusses pregnancy loss and infertility.
Mother’s Day always stirs up a lot of emotions for me. Last year, it hit differently because I finally got to share the news that I was carrying the baby girl God promised us. I didn’t share it immediately; I waited until I was well into my third trimester. After going through a loss late in pregnancy, I got used to keeping things close to my heart for a while. Losing my daughter, Journey Faith, changed me. I talk more about my journey in the video below.
I want to emphasize that all of my children are miracles. Each of their stories are unique, filled with God’s fingerprints. I’ll share my amazing adoption story and the miracle of my youngest son’s birth soon. But today, I want to talk about how God fulfilled a promise that seemed impossible with my daughters.
Find Hope When Faith Feels Fragile
I never imagined that my path to motherhood would be so difficult. My husband and I struggled with infertility for years; each month ended in heartbreak and unanswered questions. It felt like everyone around me was posting sonogram pictures and cuddling newborns, while I was left with empty arms and a hurting heart. Night after night, I poured out my tears and prayers, asking God why it was so hard for me to have a baby. I plastered on a smile at baby showers and on Sunday mornings, but inside I was breaking, wondering why God seemed silent.
After years of trying, I finally saw two pink lines on a pregnancy test. I was pregnant! I sobbed with relief and joy, believing our miracle was finally on its way. But that joy turned to grief when I miscarried just a few weeks later, and my heart shattered.
Not long after, I conceived again, and once more, we lost the baby. Two back-to-back pregnancy losses nearly broke me. I was devastated and even found myself growing angry with God. Why would He allow me to get pregnant, only for it to end in heartbreak again? In those darkest moments, my faith was hanging by a thread.
Eventually, when I least expected it, I saw a faint pink line on a pregnancy test once again. My hands trembled. I was excited, but so afraid after all we’d been through. Every day of that pregnancy, I prayed fiercely and held my breath at each doctor’s appointment. With each passing week and every tiny kick I felt, my hope grew a little more. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy emotionally, but I felt God’s presence with me, gently trading my fear for faith. It was a baby girl too! This was the promise. This was it. I never imagined that my first time holding her would be my last. I cannot even begin to describe the pain that followed. It was debilitating, too much to carry… I can’t even put it into words.
Yet even as I walked through the valley of grief, disappointment, and anger, a small spark of hope remained. Somehow, I kept praying even when I had no words left, just tears. I’ll admit, sometimes I didn’t want to pray. Sometimes, I didn’t pray… Deep down, I believed that God hadn’t abandoned me and that His story for me wasn’t over.
Reflecting on those tough years, I’ve realized that faith doesn’t mean always feeling strong or fearless. Sometimes, it’s just about holding on when you’ve got nothing left and trusting that God’s plan is far greater than you can imagine. One story that really hits home for me is Hannah’s in 1 Samuel 1. She endured years of heartbreak and disappointment, but kept praying and believing. And in the end, God showed up and blessed her with Samuel. It’s a reminder that even when your faith feels shaky, God is still working things out behind the scenes.
It’s Okay to Feel…
Through this journey, I learned a few things that I want to share with you:
- It’s okay to be angry with God. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God can handle your honesty.
- It’s okay to ask for signs and wonders. In Mark 9:24, a desperate father cried out, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” God meets us where we are.
- It’s okay to keep hoping. Romans 5:5 says, “And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.” Even when hope feels lost, it is the very thing that keeps us moving forward.
- God will meet you right where you are. Isaiah 43:2 says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.” God is not distant from your pain.
A Promise Fulfilled
I will never forget when a friend gifted me with a pair of baby girl socks, telling me they were for my daughter. That promise was spoken over me 27 years ago. Through the years, I held on to those socks, believing I would one day see God’s promise fulfilled. Seeing my sweet Joy wearing them is a surreal, faith-affirming experience.
Sharing My Journey
My story is not just about loss; it’s about finding hope again after disappointment. It’s about learning to trust God, even when the path is dark and the answers don’t come easily or are painful to accept.
Your story may be different from mine, but I truly believe that the same God who carried me through my journey will carry you through yours. He sees every tear you cry and every prayer you whisper. Hold onto hope, even if it’s just by a thread. God’s timing is perfect, and His plans for you are worth the wait.
I want to invite you to hear more of my story. The clip is a snippet from a workshop I hosted at the beginning of the year, The Wait is Over: How to Align with God and Activate Your Best Life. In this clip, I talk about how to keep your faith when life doesn’t go as planned and you’re walking through a season of waiting or disappointment.
I pray this encourages you to keep your faith and never give up on God’s promises. No matter how painful the process, the promise is worth the wait.
Resources
Journey of Faith Prayer & Dream Journal
How to Align with God and Activate Your Best Life Workshop Replay
Let me know if this resonated with you by leaving a comment below.
Please feel free to share this post with someone who needs a reminder that God’s plans are still good, even when they don’t make sense. Your story isn’t over; the best is yet to come.
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