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My sister-in-law posted a message on Facebook not to invite her to baby showers because it’s too painful right now. I immediately felt seen because I’ve felt the same way since losing my baby; I’ve never expressed it publicly.
I expected support and understanding, but the comments she received suggested otherwise. One person said, “you can’t live in agony forever….” as if it were a choice. Another responded by saying don’t stop celebrating life with friends and family and then proceeded to plug in her own experience. Another stated that maybe that is where her healing may come from.
It took everything not to respond. My sister-in-law is transparent and vocal about her experience; I am thankful because her feelings have mirrored mine and provided a voice I didn’t know I needed. However, I’ve cringed at the comments and feedback she often receives. I believe people mean well and genuinely think they’re helping. I also believe people try to rush her healing and process because thinking about it makes them uncomfortable.
3 Things I wish They and Others Knew:
1.Your comments are more hurtful than helpful. If you just can’t handle reading about it, keep scrolling or unfollow. You have that right just as much as she has the right to speak about her pain.
2.Not being able to celebrate with friends and family right now doesn’t mean we aren’t happy for them. It is just too painful to be there, especially when we were planning our showers when we lost our babies.
3.We don’t need you to try to fix us or rush our healing for your comfort or belief. We have Jesus for that.
There was a time when seeing a baby girl, a pregnant woman or hearing people talk about their daughters was triggering. If I’m honest, sometimes, it still is. However, you can be happy for others and sad for yourself. It’s called being human.
Though I’m okay with being invited to baby showers, there is a good chance I won’t be able to make it. I know one day that may change. But today, that’s my truth. Today that is my sister-in-law’s truth.
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