The topic of dating seems appropriate for this time of year, the holidays, a.k.a “cuffing season.” If you are in your late twenties or older, seeing someone or single, I’m certain you were queried about your current status over the Thanksgiving holiday. And Lawd help, if one of your cousins happened to get engaged, married or had a baby this year.

It seems the odds at winning the lottery are more favorable than finding someone who is worth taking the plunge with. It doesn’t help that society has made a mockery of marriage lately.

Divorce rates have skyrocketed, citing “irreconcilable differences,” when often times the real culprit is living in an era of spoiled, selfish people who quit too easily when things get tough.

Add to that, the false perception of what real love looks like, tainted with Nickolas Spark’s novels and romance movies that are dumbly used as a point of reference.

Maybe you have this idea in your head of who your spouse should be and anyone who doesn’t fit the mold doesn’t stand a chance with you; or you’re in a serious relationship and waiting for him to pop the question. Either way, it is challenging enough to desire marriage with no prospects or be with someone who is yet to ask.

Yet, having to explain/defend your situation or lack thereof is the equivalency of kicking someone while they’re already down.

And honestly, you just wished people would mind their own _______ business. You can insert an extra word, if deem necessary.

Nevertheless, the issue is not entirely people inquiring about your relationship status, per se. No, the real issue is if you had it your way, you would have been married two or three holiday seasons ago. Therefore, the questions are just plain salting an old wound. And honestly, you wish people would just understand that,

1. Its not easy finding someone you are compatible with these days
2. Hell, you wish you knew when you were getting married too.
3. You are enjoying your single life right now and wish they’d stop projecting their own wishes on you.
4. Marriage is not for everybody
5. Their asking doesn’t change your situation
6. You are truly waiting for the right one
7. You don’t need a relationship to be happy
8. Again, it really is none of their business

Reality is the questions are not going to stop. So, you can decide to shrug it off or take it personal, clapback, go left, go crazy or whatever. Here’s another thought, I only loathed the questions because I had a problem with being single. When I finally stopped worrying, and I mean, finally because it took a long time to get there, I could politely respond with simply, “when I meet the right one.”

When you get to a place where you view singleness as just another season of life, and not some burden you can’t seem to shake, I guarantee you won’t be offended when people ask. Besides, I wish, I would have listened when married women told me that marriage has enough issues to steal your worries.

It won’t be easy, but there is freedom in enjoying where you are today, that subliminally gives permission for the joys of tomorrow.

So, what are some things you wish people understood when it comes to asking about your relationship status? Comment below.

For advice on how to spot a good man in the mist of the duds, check out Dating: The Issue, The Message, The Solution.

Your moment is now,

Ebby Lane

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