I’m not sure why this was moved to drafts, but it is a post from a couple of weeks ago…
Two weeks ago, I experience one of the scariest moments of my life. I stopped breathing due to asthma complications. I remember, praying that God wouldn’t take me away from my family. I remember right before blacking out, telling the paramedics to tell my husband how much I loved him, because in that moment, I was certain I was dying. My husband tells me I was unresponsive for a couple hours afterwards. The doctors considered doing a tracheotomy to insert a tube into my throat because nothing else seemed to be working. Needless to say, I finally came around and my zeal for life was on overload.
This moment of wanting to fight for life for me is pivotal with dash of irony. Here’s why, just six short years ago, I was contemplating whether my life mattered and if anyone would notice if I was gone. I recall feeling like my life was going nowhere. None of my dreams were coming to fruition. On top of that, everywhere I turned, it seemed everyone around me was moving forward, while I remained stagnant. At the time, I was heavy in ministry. I couldn’t comprehend how I could be so unhappy, despite doing the work of God. The worst part of this season was feeling this way and nobody noticing. I remember leaving church one Sunday, noticing the ditch on the side of the highway and contemplating running my car into it. That was the moment, I knew something was wrong and I needed to seek help before I did something crazy.
What stopped me from ending it all was God showed me a vivid image of my future. He reminded me how I hadn’t even scratched the surface of the blessings he had in store for me. He showed me I would be a wife one day. I would be a mother to beautiful children. I would obtain my degree. He reminded me that if I stopped fighting, I’d never see any of these blessings I’d been waiting so long for come to pass. Plus, everything I’d endured to this point would be for nothing.
I remember the day I decided with help from my therapist that I’d keep fighting. (By the way, I highly recommend seeing a counselor if you are battling depression of any sort.) It was an early November and I decided that day I was going to be happy regardless of what the things around me looked like. I was going to enjoy life even if it didn’t turn out the way I’d planned. I decided in that moment, I would trust God’s perfect plan. The following May, I walked across the stage to receive my degree. That summer, I purchase my first home. That August, I met my husband. Three years later, I was experiencing my dream wedding to the most incredible man. God couldn’t have blessed me with a better husband. Two years after that, God blessed us with the most beautiful baby boy I could ever imagine. My heart melts every time his big brown eyes look at me. And that smile… I am in awe. If only I’d known I was so close to seeing my dreams…. That’s the thing; we don’t know how close we are to what we’ve been waiting for. So, we have to keep fighting, despite what it looks like.
I am in awe of what God has done in my life these last couple of years. The breathing incident was merely a tough reminder of what is truly important in life. Let go of grudges, forgive loved ones, and spend more energy cherishing your relationships with family and friends. Furthermore, the time to chase your dreams is NOW. And to the person contemplating your purpose or if you matter, you do! As long as God has sustained your ability to take a breath, your presence is needed and vital in this world. If you feel your life is stagnant and nothing is going the way you planned, please hold on to the hope that this is temporary. Take it one day at time because it will get better. At the end of day, don’t ever stop fighting to breath, to laugh, to love, To LIVE.
–Your moment is now,
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